Dear Tribute MasterCard

A few months back Tribute MasterCard honored me with an unsolicited credit card offer. It was an insultingly poor offer. In fact it was the worst offer of credit that I have ever received. In response, I sent them the follow letter. I have not heard back from them since:


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Feb 12, 2008

To the Management of Tribute MasterCard

This letter is in regards to the recent offer I received in the mail from your company for an unsecured line of credit. I would like to thank you for your interest in establishing a business relationship with me and also to congratulate you. Your offer has the distinction of being the single worst unsolicited credit card offer I have ever received. This is no small accomplishment. In the past year I have received a variety of remarkably terrible offers from your competitors, but none of them stand out quite like the offer I received from Tribute MasterCard.

A few of the exciting features that caught my eye as I considered your offer were the low introductory 29.99 annual percentage rate, and the complementary 35.99% rate for delinquencies and cash advances. Also of note the easily affordable $99.00 annual fee and one time $29.99 fee for opening the account. I see that your company has gone out of its way to provide its customers with their well deserved opportunity to experience all of the opulence and rewards of credit card debt without requiring them to engage in the hassle of making purchases. Perhaps the most noteworthy aspect of this entire prospect is that I am merely pre-qualified for this offer. There is still the possibility that, even if I were to deliberately request this credit card from you, I won’t actually qualify to take advantage of this terrific opportunity.

I can’t imagine why you think that this offer is in any way reasonable, or ethical, or that I would even be interested in such a completely ridiculous arrangement. As you may already be aware, my credit history can be easily described as somewhat imperfect. While this may indicate that I might take certain liberties with my personal finances from time to time, it should in no way suggest to you that I am a complete idiot. It should also not suggest to you that I am completely desperate for credit opportunities. Perhaps you assume that my credit rating makes me a poor risk and that I may be likely to borrow money from you without repaying it. If that is the case, I would like to make a suggestion that will lend brevity to this entire process. Instead of going through the hassle of making such a ridiculous offer in the first place, simply send me a certified check for an amount you feel you would like for me to steal from you. Thank you for your interest, but after careful consideration, I have decided not to take advantage of your offer at this time.

Regards,

Brian Merrill